My husband was coaching at a big tournament all weekend, so Nysse the dog and I spent most of the weekend together. Together, we:
– laid on the bed and watched the snow and birds out the window,
– played fetch with her favorite, green bone,
– baked pumpkin muffins,
– watched a couple Christmas movies (I’m not ready to give it up yet!),
– just hung out

I went to the annual meeting at church, complete with a soup supper ‘Crockpot Alley’. Is there anything as wonderful as a church potluck?

And we quietly acknowledged the passing of my due date.

It was pretty much as I thought it would be. I thought about our baby every second of that day. What stage of labor I would have been in. What the nursery would have looked like. What our life would have looked like.

I wore a remembrance necklace that my sister in law gave me when we moved back to MN, just days after the miscarriage. I hadn’t been able to wear it until that day, and now I haven’t taken it off.

That morning, we got McDonalds breakfast {#sorrynotsorry} and watched a movie in bed, snuggling as a family. I ran errands to my favorite places. I wandered Barnes & Noble, a cinnamon dolce latte in hand. I rambled around Target. I walked the mall. Then met Jared for some supper out, and sipped a big ol’ pomegranate margarita. Then we went home, and snuggled again as a family. Nysse the dog even got under the covers to snuggle up! It was like she knew.

I wondered how other mamas spent their would-be due dates. I wondered if they even remembered them. Sometimes I wonder if other mamas took their miscarriages as hard as I have, or if I’m overly sensitive, or if they’re just quieter. The other mamas I know who miscarried around the same time I did are all pregnant again, so I wonder if their minds are elsewhere, while mine feels stuck.

I wondered if my grandma was holding our baby.

And then, just like that, it was a new morning. Complete with fresh hope and new mercy and clean grace. And we have made it through a huge milestone. One that I wasn’t sure how to get through. But we did it. And now we remember, and keep moving.

Greetings friend, welcome to the fence...

In case we haven't met, I'm Anna. I'd love to chat over a picket fence in the backyard, but this will do for now. Let's make it easy to stay connected - simply enter your email below to get the latest posts in your inbox. We'll talk real life, real faith, real motherhood, and real encouragement. Oh, and just so you know, I'll keep your email to myself.

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