Linking up again with Five Minute Friday at the lovely Lisa-Jo Baker‘s {but this week we’re at my friend Crystal’s place!}.The rules: write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. Hop over to her place to find out the full scoop behind FMF, and to visit other posts that were freely written in just five minutes.

This weeks prompt: Belong

GO:

Next weekend, I’m going on a trip. I will take my three-month old daughter, ride in two airplanes, drive a bit, and end up in Arkansas with an incredible group of women. These women, y’all. They’re the real deal. And somehow God saw fit to group me up with them, writing together to encourage His daughters.

Every time I log into their dashboard to write my posts, I pause. The feeling of doubt washes over me, slowly and then with force, and I have to talk myself down and back into the words. And now I’m going to see them in real life, out from behind the screen, no time to edit what I say, just me. Postpartum hips, awkward small-talker, baby spit-up on my shirt and all.

I don’t feel like I belong in that group. But He says that I do. This is a bigger level thing, friends – there are times I don’t feel I belong in my church, in my jobs, even in this online space that I created. My deep-dark reason? Because I think, for whatever reason, that someone else would be better suited for it all. There’s got to be someone smarter and faster who would be better at my job. There’s got to be a better writer out there who should be writing for the sites I contribute to. There’s got to be a prettier, kinder, better woman my husband should’ve ended up with.

These are the ugly thoughts that scroll and destroy. But I am at a point where finally, though it isn’t easy, I don’t believe them deep down. The thoughts, creep in as they may, do not control me. They may tempt and make me quaver. But I don’t allow their influence anymore.

He says I belong, exactly where I am, because He has brought me there. He brought me to my husband to be his beloved wife. He brought my babies to me to be their mama. He brought me to (in)courage to write and bless and be blessed. He brought and kept me here, in this space, to develop my voice. And next week, He will bring me to Arkansas to meet up with friends new and old, to stay up late talking, to write, to be with my baby girl, right where I belong.

STOP

Five Minute Friday

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