on the thing i have to tell you that i never wanted to say

We lost another baby last week. Honestly, the swirl of emotions in my head and heart is so intense and hard to define that I don’t really know what to type, how to direct my fingers, what to say. There are too many words to write, and no words to write, at the...

When Life Hurts Too Much

Loss and grief are familiar emotions to me. As you know, Jared and I have traveled the path of infertility, and through it God is bringing us closer to Him. That’s right, I said ‘is bringing’, not ‘brought’. The pain of infertility...

on the other side of a year

One year ago this week, I lost my baby. One year ago this week, my husband and I left our camp jobs and moved back to MN (and in with my mom). One year ago this week, I won a ticket to BlogHer10 in NYC. I needed joy & direction. ——- This week, I am 19...

an intersection.

Last weekend we had a garage sale. I went inside to the bathroom, and after using the toilet saw blood in it. And not just a spot or two. Enough to make my face drain of color and my hands start shaking. I woke up and the mattress beneath me was soaked. We had dragged...

a secret, unfurled.

For weeks now, I have been guarding a secret. A secret that I can hardly believe is mine. I am in love and terrified and breathless and joyfilled, all at the same time. My heart continues to be broken for all of us who want to be moms so bad we ache, and I hardly know...

a milestone, passed.

My husband was coaching at a big tournament all weekend, so Nysse the dog and I spent most of the weekend together. Together, we: – laid on the bed and watched the snow and birds out the window, – played fetch with her favorite, green bone, – baked...
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