Linking up again with Five Minute Friday at the lovely Lisa-Jo Baker‘s {but this week we’re at my friend Crystal’s place!}.The rules: write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. Hop over to her place to find out the full scoop behind FMF, and to visit other posts that were freely written in just five minutes.
This weeks prompt: Belong
GO:
Next weekend, I’m going on a trip. I will take my three-month old daughter, ride in two airplanes, drive a bit, and end up in Arkansas with an incredible group of women. These women, y’all. They’re the real deal. And somehow God saw fit to group me up with them, writing together to encourage His daughters.
Every time I log into their dashboard to write my posts, I pause. The feeling of doubt washes over me, slowly and then with force, and I have to talk myself down and back into the words. And now I’m going to see them in real life, out from behind the screen, no time to edit what I say, just me. Postpartum hips, awkward small-talker, baby spit-up on my shirt and all.
I don’t feel like I belong in that group. But He says that I do. This is a bigger level thing, friends – there are times I don’t feel I belong in my church, in my jobs, even in this online space that I created. My deep-dark reason? Because I think, for whatever reason, that someone else would be better suited for it all. There’s got to be someone smarter and faster who would be better at my job. There’s got to be a better writer out there who should be writing for the sites I contribute to. There’s got to be a prettier, kinder, better woman my husband should’ve ended up with.
These are the ugly thoughts that scroll and destroy. But I am at a point where finally, though it isn’t easy, I don’t believe them deep down. The thoughts, creep in as they may, do not control me. They may tempt and make me quaver. But I don’t allow their influence anymore.
He says I belong, exactly where I am, because He has brought me there. He brought me to my husband to be his beloved wife. He brought my babies to me to be their mama. He brought me to (in)courage to write and bless and be blessed. He brought and kept me here, in this space, to develop my voice. And next week, He will bring me to Arkansas to meet up with friends new and old, to stay up late talking, to write, to be with my baby girl, right where I belong.
I’m so glad you are here! You are such an encouragement to me…even when you don’t know it! Thanks for sharing!
Rachel, I can’t tell you how I appreciate that. Thank you!
Arkansas is NEXT WEEK. Oh Anna, I can’t wait to meet you and that precious Josie girl!
ALIZA. One week until hug city. =)
Unbelievable, Anna. I just loved this…and you DO belong. There’s no doubt about that. Have a safe and wonderful trip!
Jennifer, thank you for that encouragement!!
Have a wonderful trip, thanks for the lovely post.
Kaye, thank you.
“He says I belong, exactly where I am, because He has brought me there. ” Such a beautiful reminder that I am where I am by His divine appointment and that I belong there. Hope you have a wonderful trip
Thank you, Amy!
I’m with you. Had a minor panic attack last week that I’m going to be with this group and wondered if I’m going to feel so “other” and “outside”, as I often do. But it’s really the deeper question of belonging that gets to me. It’s the “Am I enough” that leads me to that lonely place. And I may never be enough and yet in Christ I always am. Always. Now I’m excited about it, awkward small talk and all. 😉 Can’t wait to see you again and meet your baby girl!
Yes – feeling ‘other’ and ‘outside’ are my normal in a group. Still, I can’t wait to see you and I really am sure that we’ll have a fabulous time! =)
I feel that way all the time – I’m definitely getting better, but I do allow it to hold me back. I remember feeling exactly the same way the year (in)courage launched and I somehow got to be a part of that team. I never felt like I belonged. Now I miss it like crazy. Have lots and lots of fun, girl! You’re amazing, just like the rest of the team!
Oh, I’ve been wondering when this trip would be happening. I will be with you in my hearts. What a special group and you most certainly belong there. When will we stop setting up plains and walls and qualifications of our own imagining? Don’t believe the lie, friend. You are mighty and beautiful with your words and your heart! Love you! Spread that to everyone else there, too. I will certainly miss this. 🙂